It never ceases to amaze me how God cares for our every day struggles.  Here is one example.

19 March 2012

My heart broke this AM as I took Anne to school and she fought to stay in my arms.  I left her screaming, and I felt helpless and alone.  I cried all the way home, “Papa, papa”, desparately seeking God’s guidance.  I felt Him ask me “Am I bigger than this?”  ”Yes, yes, yes,” I belted out each time feeling the despair leave my body and the loneliness dissipate.  

“Thank you for bringing me back to joy, Papa” I said, as the heaving subsided and my body felt calm and not alone. “But the questions remain: Am I doing the right thing for her?  Will this be more harmful than beneficial?  Should I pull her out and wait another year?  Are they syncronizing with her in her fear and separation or are they invalidating her? Does she need one more year with me to make up for the year of me she lost?”  My concerns were real, but without the cloud of desparate emotion tainting them.

I sense Papa God say “Spend time alone with her for an hour each day, give yourself to her.  I, God, will be with her and comfort her at school, trust me.  But you give yourself to her at home.  Wait and see over the next few days what I will do!”

Two days later the teacher said to me “I don’t know what happened to Anne, but she has been 180 degrees different since yesterday!  She comes happy and is integrating just fine!”  My eyes moisten and as I tell the teacher what had happened, goose bumps form on her arms and her eyes also began to water, “Wow, I can’t believe Jesus Himself is in my classroom!”  It was a beautiful moment, my heart was full of thankfulness to God for hearing my prayer, guiding me, and being faithful to be with my Anne in the classroom! And at the same time alowing someone else to see His presence with them!

In March 2012 Matt and I found ourselves in great need.  We were living $2000 short each month, we owed $50,000 on San Geronimo, our oldest daughter seemed to be coming unglued by the demands of being a thrid culture kid, our community was in need, and we had two toddlers to care for.  I felt like it was time to act.  Time to take drastic measures to reduce our living expenses, get our daughter safe, and somehow make people give for San G.

I went to Papa God instead.  What do you want me to know?  An image came to mind of God holding me close and telling me to rest. I fight it as usual,  ”But how can I rest at a time like this?”  

Isaiah 30:15 came to mindas if God was speaking it to me Himself,  ”‘In repentance and rest is your salvation.  In quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.’ I told them to rest, but they did not.  Their sin was not resting! What are you going to do?  You must learn to rest and live off every word that comes from my mouth.  To rest when I say rest and to take action when I say take action.”

The song by Chris Tomlin came to mind “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.” Isaiah 40 and 41 rolled through my head.  

I surrendered to rest.  It felt awkward but refreshing.  Jeff VanVonderan once said “In life we will always fight for something, but the best fight we can fight is the one to rest in our Lord.  Fight the rest fight.”  Amen to that.  And thank you Lord Jesus that I can rest!!!!

Hey folks.  Happy 2013.  Wow… what a whirlwind month we have had!  I wanted to let folks know of some exciting news after spending a few days with Dr. Michael Cooper and businessman Jim Boston here in Uruguay last month.  The good news is that we are mobilizing resources to back the business venture of one of the young entrepreneurs in our community.  Martin Fleischer, whose wedding I did in September, together with myself, Michael Cooper, and Martin’s childhood friend Emilio, have been incubating an ecological construction company concept over the last two years.  

The short story news is that the financials are sound, the civic and governmental leadership has praised the plan, and there is strong ministerial initiative to see this company spearhead church-planting and community development in the interior of the country.

I wanted to get our investor’s presentation up here for you to take a look at.  We are seeking $75,000 in seed capital to get the equipment back.  We estimate a payout at near 8% over the next five years.  If you are looking for something that will give you a spiritual ROI as well as a great financial ROI, then please give this a gander.

Matt

Click here to shoot me an email if you want to talk more.

The Whistling Herons of San Geronimo

Toni always smiles when she looks at me the first morning out at San Geronimo.  It seems like she is looking at me, but also like she is looking at someone else.

She tells me she is looking at someone else.  She is looking at “old man Matt,” the one who has matured with the ages.  She says it was a picture God gave her one day when she was praying.  Me, out on the lawn in front of the house.  Dancing.  In the rain.  In that picture she is on the porch drinking coffee.  The kids are grown and gone.  The early “life and death” struggles of the project are part of distant history and there are only a handful of us that still remember them.  

And I am dancing in the rain.  

Other than the Stuart and Irene Heath, now passed away, I have met only one other couple that seems as crazy as we are about this place.  It is a pair of Whistling Herons.  They have been here since we first came in 2009, and they seem to appear in the meadow every time we are out here.  Sometimes I see only one of them, and I worry a little bit.  A lump appears in my throat, and I get thirsty, and I scan the whole place until all of the sudden, I see a pair of feet land on the ground and wings fold into the sides of the graceful female.  Then they’re both there.  Never too close to each other.  Never too far apart.  They walk gracefully across the grounds, the assured true lord and lady of San Geronimo.  Their colored heads and grey-blue necks lead the way, followed by their yellow breasts, until, stock still like statues, some beetle, worm, or lizard reveals itself and their heads lightning-strike down into the dirt for their meal.  I call them Stuart and Irene, and remember that I am a steward here of something so much larger than ourselves.

And then, as though nothing had happened to interrupt their stride, they start again.  Head, neck, body.  Head, neck, body.  

By this time, Matty or Anne or Emma (the dog) has become aware of their visit, and head off into the chase…  ”Birdie, Papa, birdie!” “Ruff, ruff, ruff!”

The herons take wing and perch up in the tree, annoyed by the intruders, but secure that in a few moments, when the children bore of their chase, the grounds will be theirs once more.   And then they land again.  He, absorbed in his morning task.  And She? I swear this morning I saw a glint of a smile on her face as he danced across the grass in the rain and plunged his head downward into the matted grass, lost in his morning hunt, oblivious to the wonder and delight all around.

Verse of the Day:
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20)

It’s September 17th, day 27. 13 days left. $0 pledged yesterday!  $9,998 pledged total.  $50,002 left to lower.*

Questions for the heart:
When is the last time you watched something in nature that brought you closer to God?  What was it?  As you bring it to mind, ask yourself, “How does this feel?”

T.A.L.K. to Jesus

• T- THANK Him for what you read in the daily story. TELL Him how you feel about you and about San Geronimo.
• A-ASK Him, “Jesus, is there anything you want me to know about this, today?”
• L-LISTEN: Pay attention to any Scriptures, thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations He brings to mind.
• K-KNOW: Receive “God peace” and be reassured by His presence “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46.10

After you TALK with Him, can you share with us?  We are birthing something together, and He has invited us along with Him.

Share your replies on the wall of the “66 for San Geronimo” facebook site or below in the comment box.

*We believe it is OUR job to RAISE hands, RAISE prayers, RAISE praise, RAISE our cries.  It is GOD’S job to “shower blessings,” to “pour out” resources, to lower down what we need to us.

]]> http://www.mattandtoni.org/day-27-the-whistling-herons-at-san-geronimo/feed/ 0 http://www.mattandtoni.org/407/ http://www.mattandtoni.org/407/#comments Mon, 03 Sep 2012 17:11:20 +0000 Matt http://www.mattandtoni.org/?p=407

Stuart Heath and Irene Shepherd-Heath, ca. 1960

It was around 1970 when they found this lovely piece of property.  A Scottish missionary and businessman, Stuart Heath and his wife Irene, bought the land and built the house for their retirement. Their sister, Dr. Gwendolyn Shepherd, moved out there with them, and continued to treat patients in the area.

They constructed the estate with a view toward rest and spiritual renewal for themselves and their friends. For thirty years, countless missionaries, pastors, and church members went to San Geronimo to reconnect with their own hearts and hopes, with their Lord and their life.

Stuart passed on in 2000, and his wife Irene followed in 2004.  In 2006, Gwendolyn went to live in Buenos Aires before she passed away in 2008.  The estate fell into disrepair under the hands of an unscrupulous caretaker who began to illegally log and sell off family antiques and heirlooms.

The family fixed the place up again and sought unsuccessfully to find a buyer.  They hoped (and then lost hope, and then hoped again) that someone might enter in who would carry on and enlarge the family’s heart for the place.

They left the estate to their brother, Claude Shepherd, aged 97, who lives in Surrey, England, and from whom we are purchasing the estate.

The Shepherd children, Gwendolyn, Irene, Claude, and their brother Robert grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina. As children, their family would spend holidays near La Cumbre, Argentina, where they would hear the bells of a nearby Monastery calling the monks to prayer. The name of the Monastery, San Gerónimo, (St. Jerome), would become the name of her own spiritual retreat as an older adult.

Here at San Geronimo, Stuart, Irene, and Gwendolyn regularly hosted visiting missionaries, local pastors, young people. Many Uruguayan Christians who are now in their fifties and sixties have fond memories of a round of mini-golf or eating homemade pizzas with the Heath family on their summer holidays.

Dr. Gwendolyn Shepherd was a pediatrician and was largely responsible for stemming the tide of the polio epidemic among children in Buenos Aires. She established a children’s hospital and also brought the Iron Lung to Argentina. In a seemingly random series of events, Dr. Shepherd ended up hosting Corrie Ten Boom on her first visit to Buenos Aires and spent countless hours with her, and the two became fast friends. The “tramp for the Lord” also made an indelible impression on this woman who would spend her later days at San Geronimo. Her two autobiographical books, Wings of Hope, and I’ll Take Your Word for It, both written at San Geronimo, tell her story.

Verse of the Day:
“Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith” (Hebrews 13:7)

It’s September 3rd, day 13. 28 days left. $0 pledged yesterday!  $6,220 pledged total.  $53,780 left to lower.*

Questions for the heart:
Whose spiritual shoulders do you stand on?  Who can you get in touch with today to say “thank you” for going before you?

T.A.L.K. to Jesus

• T- THANK Him for what you read in the daily story. TELL Him how you feel about you and about San Geronimo.
• A-ASK Him, “Jesus, is there anything you want me to know about this, today?”
• L-LISTEN: Pay attention to any Scriptures, thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations He brings to mind.
• K-KNOW: Receive “God peace” and be reassured by His presence “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46.10

After you TALK with Him, can you share with us?  We are birthing something together, and He has invited us along with Him.

Share your replies on the wall of the “66 for San Geronimo” facebook site or below in the comment box.

*We believe it is OUR job to RAISE hands, RAISE prayers, RAISE praise, RAISE our cries.  It is GOD’S job to “shower blessings,” to “pour out” resources, to lower down what we need to us.

“I was in South Africa visiting family when via FB I saw pictures of a place, a house,  outhouses, grounds, views, trees, an overgrown prayer walk, and the name San Geronimo. I read the excited captions penned by Matt and Toni and tried to piece all this news together. I came back intrigued to know more about it and how all this had come about. I felt the buzz in the air when I saw Matt and Toni and they shared the life history of San Geronimo with me, the people who had built it, lived there and had become part of the community in the neighboring town of Piedras de Afilar.  I’ve known Matt and Toni 14 odd years now, both our families have traversed a lot of life since then, and when I think of them I think of two lifeline people in my life that make living and doing life away from home so much more bearable. They are two lives which are intrinsic in my coming to really see, understand and have a thirst for Christ. Life in Uruguay without them is hard. So, when I saw how San Geronimo was impacting them, I knew it was serious stuff.

I’m a doer, I have a sick passion for doing the dishes, the kitchen is where you will most often find me, simply because I get a kick out of doing stuff behind the scenes so others can sit, walk, talk, enjoy and feel the love that comes from any gathering at San Geronimo. It’s been a Thanksgiving feast with laden tables outside under the boughs bursting with  new leaves, or birthday celebrations to just  a couple of us huddling around the fire on a winter night, and so many other moments in between when friends, strangers-yet-to-become-friends, acquaintances-soon-to-become friends, come by and experience San Geronimo.

God is everywhere, in San Geronimo, on the dirt road up to it, on the coastal highway as we drive the 66km from Montevideo out to it, in our homes as we set out. He’s there, He’s here, but the beauty of San Geronimo is that it brings many, intrigued about this Christ that Matt and Toni live out here in Montevideo, together. It’s a meeting point, far from the maddening crowd, out in the coastal countryside, for those who have ears to hear, to listen, to question, to express doubts, to laugh, to contemplate, to share, to make new friends, to feel and see life within a community, to see Christ lived out.  And while all this happens, I love to cut the grass, and wash the dishes, I feel at home.

Verse of the Day:
“Joanna, Susanna, and many others had also used what they owned to help Jesus and his disciples. Joanna’s husband Chuza was one of Herod’s officials…” Luke 8:3

It’s September 1st, day 11. 30 days left. $1066 pledged yesterday!  $6,220 pledged total.  $53,780 left to lower.*

Questions for the heart:
What activities do you like to do that make you say, “Yes!  I really feel like ‘me’ when I am doing this!”?  What are you doing when you most sense God’s delight in you?

T.A.L.K. to Jesus

• T- THANK Him for what you read in the daily story. TELL Him how you feel about you and about San Geronimo.
• A-ASK Him, “Jesus, is there anything you want me to know about this, today?”
• L-LISTEN: Pay attention to any Scriptures, thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations He brings to mind.
• K-KNOW: Receive “God peace” and be reassured by His presence “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46.10

After you TALK with Him, can you share with us?  We are birthing something together, and He has invited us along with Him.

Share your replies on the wall of the “66 for San Geronimo” facebook site or below in the comment box.

*We believe it is OUR job to RAISE hands, RAISE prayers, RAISE praise, RAISE our cries.  It is GOD’S job to “shower blessings,” to “pour out” resources, to lower down what we need to us.

Day 10 | Betty Carter, Collierville, TN

“When I think of San Geronimo, I think of the table and the conversations we had there. ‘Tell me how you came to know Christ…’ I think of good food and open communication and laughter and prayer.

I enjoyed working with others in preparing the food, too. We ate very well. I pray that the table is offered in the future. May others “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

Verse of the Day:
“Instead, we were like young children among you. Just as a nursing mother cares for her children,  so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” –1 Thes. 2:7-8

It’s August 31st, day 10. 31 days left. $266 pledged yesterday!  $5,154 pledged total.  $54,846 left to lower.*

Questions for the heart:
Have you ever felt like a child in the presence of Jesus?  What would it be like for you to have Jesus quiet those who would hold you back from him and say… “No, let [your name here] come unto me,” and then to have Jesus take you into His lap and bless you?

T.A.L.K. to Jesus

• T- THANK Him for what you read in the daily story. TELL Him how you feel about you and about San Geronimo.
• A-ASK Him, “Jesus, is there anything you want me to know about this, today?”
• L-LISTEN: Pay attention to any Scriptures, thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations He brings to mind.
• K-KNOW: Receive “God peace” and be reassured by His presence “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46.10

After you TALK with Him, can you share with us?  We are birthing something together, and He has invited us along with Him.

Share your replies on the wall of the “66 for San Geronimo” facebook site or below in the comment box.

*We believe it is OUR job to RAISE hands, RAISE prayers, RAISE praise, RAISE our cries.  It is GOD’S job to “shower blessings,” to “pour out” resources, to lower down what we need to us.

Gerardo, the husband of Wilma, who used to cook at San Geronimo, came by while were out at San Geronimo last week.  He explained to me that Stuart Heath, the former owner, used to allow him to keep bees on San Geronimo.  When they put the lemon orchard in across the way, however, the hives no longer worked because the fumigating killed the bees.

I walked the prayer walks with Gerardo and then headed down to the south side where we put in the fence in January with Barry and Betty Carter, and he said that if I was willing, he would be interested in putting about 30 hives down there.  He would do the clearing of the walks and would also help me cut some of the wood for the house, in addition to giving 30 kilos of honey per year to San Geronimo.  I asked him if he would also donate 4 hives to San Geronimo whenever he finished, and also mentioned that we should renew our desire to do this together once each year.  Additionally, I asked if he would give us bee keeping lessons, which he said he would be delighted to do.

You could see Gerardo’s eyes light up as he spoke of Stuart, Irene, and Gwendolyn, who built the home and lived there from 1970 to 2006 (Stuart passed in 2000, his wife Irene in 2004).  They and the Lord gave so much life to the people around there, and when a little thing like this happens, I see that life coming back once more.  And now, visitors to San Geronimo will be able to eat honey grown right there.

It would be awesome to eat some of it down there with you!

We began to form the circle and my anxiety melted away.  These teachers wanted to be here.  They were excited about what was in store for them.  They had heard such wonderful stories about Godly Play that they couldn’t wait to finally experience it.

We began Friday night with 24 teachers, two Jesuit priests and the presentation of the Great Family, the story of Abraham and Sara.  “Where do you see yourself in this story?” I asked after the presentation.  Several answered.

“I see myself having gone into the desert, but then I turned back and went back to the city at some point and I did not realize it until just now.  I’m realizing that I used to feel God, walk with Him.  But at some point my life got too busy, and without realizing it I turned back from walking with Him.”

“I see myself building the altars in the desert to show His presence was there.  As you said at the beginning, the desert is a dangerous place and no one goes there unless they have to.  But Abraham discovered God in the desert, and not just once, but many times.  I am realizing that with God’s presence, even my desert is beautiful.”

“I am traveling in the desert, but on the first trip when they followed the River.  I feel so accompanied, and supported by all of the community around me, encouraging me.  I am seeing and experiencing God, but not through difficulty, not yet at least.”

As we shared around the room we realized God was there speaking to us, teaching us, revealing parts of us to ourselves that were hidden just minutes before.  He was inviting us on a journey, an adventure, and we began to play.

The following morning at Christ Church we began around the fire.  Reflecting on our own journeys one teacher was moved to share her experience in the Uruguayan public school.  She felt overwhelmed with how the basic needs of the children to be seen and heard were not being met.  “These children have no joy in their lives!”  She concluded in despair.  Another teacher was fighting back sobs “I worked in a Head Start Center for six years, and it is true.  These children are at such risk.  We think we have problems in our private schools…we have no idea the pain most children in Uruguay are in.”

We prayed.  We wept.  We realized that by letting God enjoy us, by feeling His pleasure over us and by playing with Him, we would be equipped to BE who these children need us to be.  Then He would lead us into action accordingly.  He is our only hope.  With that realization the teachers worked hard earnestly all day to play with God and immerse themselves in His presence, knowing that there is hope and joy, even in the desert.

Thank you, Papa God, for allowing me to be a part of such beauty here in Uruguay.

I quite myself and close my eyes…I hear the song “You are Beautiful Beyond Description” being sung by hundreds, maybe thousands of people.  I open my eyes and I am at a celebration in honor of the King!  The streets are filled with people.  The courtyard is overflowing.  I am caught up in the moment.  There is great joy in the land.  Our King is good.  He cares for us.  He loves us.  His power is extensive.  His beauty breath-taking.  I am there.  It is a holy moment…and yet I find myself crying.  I don’t even know why.  A twinge of shame runs through my body as I think, “What is wrong with me, NOW?”  I tend to be oversensitive or at least that is what I have been told.

As I weep, I look up at the King and freeze.  He sees me.  The King sees ME.  Among thousands of smiles and laughter, somehow, He notices me, crying.  I try to hide behind the crowd, but to no avail.  He gets up off His throne, steps off of the stage, and begins parting the people to get to me.  My heart pounds within my chest, but there is nothing I can do to stop the tears.

“Why are you sad, my child?”  He says as he gently takes my shoulders in his hands, almost lifting me off the ground.

“I do not know, my King,” I reply weeping all the more.  His “seeing” me, somehow releases more pain from deep within.

“What is troubling your heart on such a glorious day when there is so much joy?” He tries to make eye contact with me.  His eyes feel my pain.

“My Lord, my King.  While your kingdom is so great and grand and extensive, there is still so much that does not yield itself to your hand, so much in me and then in other’s around me and in the world.  I fear, my King.  I am weighted down with fear and I do not know how to surrender it.  I still feel so immature as a person.”  I can hardly believe the confession that is coming out of my mouth.  From somewhere beyond the conscious level of awareness a part of me is speaking which I do not know all that well myself. 

He gently takes my face in his hands and kisses my cheek…then my neck…and then I fall into His embrace, heaving with tears.  He envelops me.  He is not repulsed by my fear nor my immaturity.  He feels so much compassion for me. 

He picks me up and carries me back to his throne to be with Him.  He asks no more questions.  He does not badger me.  “Just sit with me awhile,” He says.  “Let me enjoy you.  My enjoyment of you will melt your fears, my child…whatever they may be.  Rest with me awhile.”

As He enjoys looking at me, just sitting with me, I see that He really expects nothing from me.  The weight of His love brings more tears as waves of emotion come and go over me.  My present becomes mixed with my imagination.

“What about the rent?” I ask.  “Just let it go.”

“What about the school fees?”  “Just let it go.”

“What about the money for the tickets to the US?”  “Just let it go.”

“What about…”  “Just let it go,” he cuts me off firmly but lovingly. “Just let me enjoy you.”

Silence.

I can’t.  The tears flow even harder and I almost feel nauseous. “How can you enjoy THIS?” I ask referring to myself.  “…this ball of sadness, fear and messed-upness?”

“You just don’t know the whole story, my child,” he calmly responds.  He knows something about me that I do not know.  Something that helps Him see me differently, with grace and compassion…part of my story that explains why I am the way I am. 

“I am afraid of messing up.  Doing something wrong.  Hurting my children or others because of my own immaturity or inability to bring them to you.”  There it is…a hidden fear that has been controlling my actions for years, weighing me down, making me tired, clouding my judgement.  While the tears flow, it feels good to get something out in the open, out of the darkness.

Silence.

“Papa,” I continue, “the evil in this world is too great for me to fight.”

“The evil in this world has been broken, my child.  It has suffered a fatal wound.”

“But I feel it, Jesus.  I feel it all around me.”

He looks directly into my eyes with an intensity that begs my full attention, “Do you feel my love, child?”

“Yes, Papa.  I do,” I say, almost surprising myself.  You see, for many years I could not feel His love.  Maybe parts of me could, but not the hidden parts.  His love was something I sung about, and read about, but it would not begin to penetrate me until I was almost 30 years old.

“Do you feel my compassion for you?”

“Oh, yes, Papa, I do,” I respond with a smile as the recent memory of Him whisking me off my feet fills my heart.

His next words are measured, slow, and powerful, “You…are…a…beautiful…creation…Toni.”

Silence.

Wrapped in His love and compassion I stare into His eyes.  “Does He really mean that?”  I think to myself.  It settles in.  He really believes that.

The crying finally stops, and I am at peace.  There is a calmness that moves in and takes over.  The questions are still there.  Where should Allie go to school next year?  Will we be able to afford Matty starting school?  How do we buy tickets to the US without money? Will we have to move AGAIN?

But for now, the fear seems to have melted away.  I lean my head on His lap and fall asleep.  I am tired.  “Thank you, Papa, for seeing me today…” I mumble as I drift off in my imagination, “thank you for noticing me in a sea of faces.  Thank you.”

I open my eyes, and while I can still feel the tiredness, I am also energized.  A huge weight has been lifted.  A smile comes across my face as I go to enjoy myself and my family.